Eating Your Heart Out

Sunday, July 31, 2005

....one of da in a long list of several pathetic habits i managed to rid myself of after comin bck is my cheesy obsession n regular followin of celeb magz ... n cheesy tabloid gossip...Godd buye to weekly editions of hello, Ok! , Ahlan n Masala mag (another Allah ka shukar hai from my mother)...i feel mow sheepish on stupid for spendin on such trivial listless stuff which is not even makin any diffference besides satisfyin da cheapness in my soul by knwin insider details of every1 else business....n den da hypocrite me claims to be a painfully private person..wen she atones her sins self critiscizes n washes all dirty linen publicly on her blog...really da bad bad me never learns...

but i hav become a better person..n decided dat im not gonna tangle myself wit da trivialities of life n focus on bigger issues n concerns of life... like da possibily of us gettin atom bombed by Bush nxt (no kidding really)... after being to places like Peace Corps, World Bank n UN n seein n hearin experiences of wats hapenin in places like niger, sudan chechenya & burma....i like myself n others to grow up a bit n hav sum substance...i wonder how many kids will starve to death in Niger today. How many others will see der sons daughthers father n mothers brothers n sisters....gettin shot, raped ,starve, wasted n cut into pieces in front der own eyes....while we sit here hypocritically sympathizin n too helpless to do anythin in da comfort of our homes...

I wonder wat God will ask of us as we stand by n watch it happen....n fall low enuf to worry bout da things remainin to shop for...its scary it cud of being me.... i hav nuthin more to say

Sum1 once said " Not all of us can do great things but wen can do small things in a great way" ....sumthin to not think bout bt do sumthin bout....
...lifes so short y waste it on pot...

Posted by Confessions of a Bohemian Barbie at 11:04 PM

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What a Ride!

Monday, July 18, 2005

When I finally reached Washington exactly 24 hrs after I had taken off. Adding to dat 6 hr stop over at Frankfurt airport, 2 hrs delay at Boston & da usual dysfunctions durin air travel I managed to finally achieve a feat unbelievable to my parents, horrifying to my desi relatives.... I reached umreeka all by myself. (shaabash beta to myself)

First amazing thing to happen as soon as to got onto da bus wz meeting Lydia n bam! Der n den a shopping buddy a gossip ally & partying mate wz decided. Thank God for dat I didn’t hav to go into da lamba chora procedure of getting to ppl n den selecting out of dem suitable ones to hang around wit ...it all fell in place n by da nxt day ...I had quiet an awesome group added to my basket...

After getting of n heading for da reception to choose our rooms wz one uphill task...n my parents premonition bout me struggling wit my luggage came true ...I had da heaviest luggage around...n added to da embarrassment n I cudnt even budge it uphill...so I stood n luked in horror as every1 had gone ahead wit ders n I wz da last one standing behind da same place I had been dropped.... in da moment of panic dat followed (da usual type dat shuts down all my brains functions n reactivates weird behavioral patterns) I contemplated calling da police, social services or even da army....sum goddamn person to come n pick up my luggage for me (all durin da while seeing images of parents in da clouds bellowing "I told you soo...."

Maybe God heard my prayers n pitied me despite my sins n sum1 who I wud later knw as Yawar who asked me if I needed help n I happily obliged handing over my entire luggage n evil me den left him behind to struggle whilst I raced ahead to catch up wit da others...

Reading da above is going o put off any generous offers for help in da future....

Anyway da nxt few hrs had der own drama, gylc staff not having a room key for me n having to assign me a new room wit key card everything, finding my room which turned out to be at da very end, rushing all da way for dinner to the pub only to find it had closed n de only had a couple of left overs to serve...n so on n so forth...

Highlight of da evening was the Around da world Social...one gud ol party accept I hadn’t washed or changed in 2 days n felt dirty unclean weird everything.... khair.... party wz not too bad...I stuffed on chocolate cookies n muffins n coke for da nite...n walked around mixing wit ppl trying to find an adjustment to set in.da focus of da evnin definetly wz da trinidadian group as I was to discover over da days my god der such a party animal group...de partied n dance...we had diff ppl do der own thin or cultural if de wanted to...we had dan 9late our comissions vice presidents) do sum standup comedy of steve martin variety..

. Da nite wz getting late n sum1 had to make da closing call...n guess who in da rite ending up doin it? Yes me. I don’t know wat got into me suddenly, I stood up n went up took da mike...n said to every1... everybody gimme a shout...bang ur tables n starting singing 'We will rock You' by the Queens.... in normal circumstances any1 wud pee in der pants standing, yelling n singing in front of sum 300 ppl.... but I dunno wer I suddenly got superman powers

Seriously da thins I get into sumtimes *shakes head*

Posted by Confessions of a Bohemian Barbie at 5:13 PM

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High Dreams, Sweet Ambitions

Sunday, July 17, 2005

.........digital camera makes ppl do weird thins n n esp for sum like me whos already half weird n at my weirdness worst wen I hav become fresh after I hav gotten a good sleep. So it wz relatively difficult for my fellow passenegrs to understand y I spent a good deal of my time onboard takin pictures of clouds. I think it wasnt weird...der were so dreamy n romantic n i wz amazed at Allah's wonders dat each cloud wz in sum way special den da other (see i told u...ull freak out)

but to me trust me sum of da clouds were shaped like soaring icebergs amongst da little flat ones...others looked like majestic ships sailin on a voyage amongst a sea of whitness, sum like warriors oncourse a battle....others like a mysterious harem..der were sum favourite ones which literally looked like the magical fairy castles from my childhood dreams ...with der whitness n soaring towers n aura of purity....the scenic wz so romantic if only it wz possible i wud love to get married amongst clouds sumday....

n this is wer i fell into one of my if only day dreams (ur about to be freaked out even more)....n i saw my self hop from cloud to cloud wit a basket of posies (muahaha dont ask y posies.. it sounded gud wit da sentence)....i wud hav long long sashying satin dress swirlin among da clouds....n i wud jus dreamily lie der on a bed of roses....gettin a more close up tan all day...n den ot of nowhere..actually out of da magical fairy castle, wud appear a valiant knight of honour...no wait i previously decided on a mysterious desert sheikh....to sweep me off my feet n kidnap me....n den force me to marry him...which i wud hav happily obliged to..

sigh if only...

Posted by Confessions of a Bohemian Barbie at 10:47 PM

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Here She Comes

we reached airport 4 hrs before my flight dont ask y....i think i made it more den obvious to my parents, that i was in a hurry to leave...after all der wz an entire floor of duty free to chk out baba...n man even though it wz like 12am midnite da whole place luked even worse den City centre on thursdays n i must have run my trolleymate over da toes of a dozen ppl atleast if not run down n walked over another dozen of others.

After all da emotional muah muah (our daughter is leaving us for da first time) saga wit my parents wit da last minute tight hugs back pats n reminders of “don’t forget to say ur namaz” I have to admit happily – even though id prefer to say wak but to anyone else watching it must have been a high speed dash towards the boarding counter.

Passports stamped, tickets stamped, boarding pass taken, everythin checked counted scanned n recheck n recounted. I hoped n pranced around happily in lala land I mean the duty free in 2 hrs of capitalist heaven n materialistic serendipity. What all did I buy well I can exactly reveal all my expenditures for privacy reasons n incase any of da custom wallahs or my dad or any other rishtedaar for dat matter mite be reading dis (no it definitely wznt Johnny Walker Black Label or Cuban Havana’s) but you can imagine wat any dittzy headed girl wit a credit card, witout her parents wud be upto. I made it a point to stock up on a a lot of food (oho bahi it’s spose to be 20 hrs of travellin) n bought sum celeb magz (my first sin away from home) to keep me busy.

Heading for a quick pizza at round table corner where the staff sang a Ketchup song for me when de saw da no. of ketchup packs I put into da bag (sigh wat to do now) much to my embarrassment & every1else amusement….

Yea bt still knowing Madiha n her never ever on time ways…I was da last person to board the plane….n even den I started whining like a little child ‘I wanna window seat I wanna window seat” n had to gt my seat changed to a window…(yea I knw im very besharam n self publicizing) haan to anyway dat wz it….. I den snuffed into my seat n said my last prayers incase sum thin happened durin da flight n I wz asleep…. took a tablet n feel into a deep sleep.

Posted by Confessions of a Bohemian Barbie at 10:42 AM

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Make Way...She's Coming!

Friday, July 15, 2005

done wit all my packing n shopping yes...gylc here i come

Posted by Confessions of a Bohemian Barbie at 11:35 AM

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Tragedy Queen

Sunday, July 03, 2005

The topic of me going to university is a very sensitive one at home & is best left untouched. At the mere mention of the word "University" .....I would go motionless.....& then it would begin...the lips would start quivering, eyes well up wit tears & then in a completely fimli style climax I would howling into my room & throw myself unto bed weeping conspiciously in an embarassing display of emotional outburst that can best be described as a scene from a B grade movie. My dad would then just shake his head, my mum let out a prayer, my sister roll her eyes.....but my brother in a state of confusion & misguided enthusaism would follow me. Apparently my brother whose the youngest feel a heavy responsibilty to burse into tears, everytime someone cries at home. So the scene would like me sobbing & running towards my room....with my brother close behind also sobbing & weeping. Later we would sit down together in some corner of the house crying & helping each other cry.


The concept of me joining university in September still hasnt sunk into me. Yes, it did strike me one day when my dad announced he had paid the fees & was goin to ship my off in sept but that was it. At first I refused to accept that it would happen , in my usual style I went quiet for several days & spent most of mine sleeping a typical of an emminent depression phase. As the days passed the symptons got even worse , as it dawned to me That i would be living in a place i had never even seen before, without my family for a year (when I can't even spend more than 2 days witout them). My notorious moodswings were on a full downswing & i tried help wit everythin from calling my bestfriend in the middle of the night sobbing, watching cheesy high school romance flicks (esp. Never been kissed) over & over & then sobbing.at the endings. I even tried aroma therapy candles, sauna, self help books , watched oprah winfrey, dr phil , deepak chopra's body, mind & soul but when all that didnt work I even contemplated taking a Prozac supplement (but de dont issue it witout prescription), however nothing seemed to work. My mum infact took me to the doctor ( relax for an annual family checkup) & out of desperation asked her to recommend antidperessants or a psychiatrist. In the end the only thing that managed to work & stop me from periodically weeping was when my doctor told me that crying causes wrinkles on my face .So now I probably have to marry someone who can afford me Botox & a facelift by the time I'm 25.

(darn I can already see fine lines on my face)

Posted by Confessions of a Bohemian Barbie at 1:26 AM

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